"What's Wrong?" .... Everything

We all know the feeling. When our stomachs turn, and we experience an almost desensitizing feeling run from our gut and up our throats. Our hands get tingly, our legs go weak and we just KNOW something is wrong.

When this happens, you can only hope you have something to help you take your mind off of whatever it is that you were trying to avoid and remain immune too.
How about the times when you’re sitting there in the dark, literally and metaphorically? You're alone to your thoughts. You don’t know what’s wrong, you can’t see anything that could be wrong, and no matter how long you're sitting in this darkness, your eyes cannot adjust to the lack of light. The darkness is soooo heavy that you can't make out any sort of shapes. You feel like you're surrounded by nothing, all alone. You are going to be the death of yourself, again literally and metaphorically.

The only times you can escape this void is when you look back into the past at the mistakes, or inactions you had committed. But it’s the past that has placed you into this hole in the first place, isn’t it?

So you sit there, remembering, recalling, and replaying; over and over. And each time you do that tingly feeling returns and more powerfully with each new wave of memory. Each time you come back to your empty reality, the darkness is even heavier, and darker. You realize that as much of an escape going back into the past is, it is only ever a momentary relief, for upon your return to your aloneness and thoughts, you are even more hurt.

The trouble with this is, you can still be happy. This isn’t an issue of sorrow and joy. This feeling deals with the cumbersome emotions you carry on your shoulders that get harder to deal with, the more you try to do it alone.

Your momentary happiness is just that: momentary. And the second it’s over, it is replaced by the feeling you knew would come: drudgery.
You begin to conclude that being upset hurts, and being happy hurts more. You can’t win.

So you pull back into your turtle shell and try to peer off into the distance. You keep your focus blurred, because you know that if your vision sharpens you will see truth starring right back at you.

You made a mistake. You tried to fix it. You gave up when it got hard. Truth is telling you, that you fail.

So what now? No matter what you do you can’t help yourself.

You’re letting time deal you a better hand, and you’re hoping that this time, you fool your opponent; because clearly you can’t fool yourself.